Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
