Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
