the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
