OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
