I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
