Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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