Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
