My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
