You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
