so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
