He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
