yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
