Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
