Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
