My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
