Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
