i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
