she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
