ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
