oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
