I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
