I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
