i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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