half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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