Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
