one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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