If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
