census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my shit smells like andre
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Operation Purity has been aborted
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
