She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
