It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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