I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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