bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
