I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
