So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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