Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
