Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
