if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
