I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
