The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
