Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
