there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
