We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
