the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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