Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
