i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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