i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
