the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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