I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
