Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
