Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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